I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
