Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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