I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream