just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize