Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....