i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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