Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs

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  (908): im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs http://tfl.nu/kfrc
  Replies (19) Good night (1158) Bad night (2329)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.

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  (440): Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan. http://tfl.nu/6sdz
  Replies (8) Good night (3507) Bad night (810)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.

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  (765): I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan. http://tfl.nu/88ss
  Replies (182) Good night (1384) Bad night (4213)
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  (916): View more from California

  I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.

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  (916): I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was. http://tfl.nu/vzii
  Replies (9) Good night (1142) Bad night (2271)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?

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  (918): did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat? http://tfl.nu/7nmi
  Replies (7) Good night (1142) Bad night (2524)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi

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  (412): just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi http://tfl.nu/nlgm
  Replies (4) Good night (682) Bad night (2179)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.

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  (941): i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet. http://tfl.nu/jjy9
  Replies (13) Good night (3709) Bad night (1214)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.

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  (502): We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice. http://tfl.nu/njob
  Replies (3) Good night (2188) Bad night (607)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function

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  (215): you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function http://tfl.nu/8zfe
  Replies (1) Good night (1481) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".

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  (651): I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila". http://tfl.nu/xbgt
  Replies (1) Good night (1666) Bad night (1012)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.

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  (601): Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question. http://tfl.nu/eb7h
  Replies (5) Good night (2115) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.

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  (951): The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever. http://tfl.nu/0whk
  Replies (3) Good night (853) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Why do you hate her?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....

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  (601): Why do you hate her? (1-601): She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina..... http://tfl.nu/0u28
  Replies (1) Good night (794) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated

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  (952): I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated http://tfl.nu/v9oe
  Replies (1) Good night (310) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with

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  (606): So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with http://tfl.nu/4l7x
  Replies (1) Good night (224) Bad night (435)

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