She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
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Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
the sex got boring after the first three hours