You really coming over, don't trick.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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