All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
