when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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