at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
