South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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