i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
