We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
