Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
