Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
not ubering you a puppy
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
