apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
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Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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