literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
