I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
