Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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