I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
