if i can run in heels then i can drive
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I met the friendliest cop last night
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
