I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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