She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
