Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
