At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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