guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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