i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
