I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
