Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
