Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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