3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
