you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
