you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
