people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
