i barfeds in our rink
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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