office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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