omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
