I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
