I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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