remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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