The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
