hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
