I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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