okay pat passed out under dana's car
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
