Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
