glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
