Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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