I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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