Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
