1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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