Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
