the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
