You really coming over, don't trick.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
