She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
