well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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