I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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