We're like a lot better than the average bears
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
