Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
