people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
