We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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