I love black thongs
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
