so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
