Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
