Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
