High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
