i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
