i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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