all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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