Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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