You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
