she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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