you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize