I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
