We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
now i know why i became what i already was.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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