The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
